Tips and Tricks to stop being a jealous person: Why is jealousy itself neither bad nor good? What can we do when they generate discomfort in us or in the other? In this article, we will address these and other issues related to the fear of loss in the social sphere.
From biblical passages, myths, and odes, humanity has discussed the consequences of jealousy. A feeling that has to do with the concern that what we consider ours will be taken away from us, either consciously or unconsciously.
Tips and Tricks to stop being a jealous person
Jealousy is culturally transversal. Philosophers, artists, and scientists wonder about the precise role they play in relationships. They are related to uncertainty, the feeling of lack of control, and, above all, dependency and fear of loss. In many cases, they are very destructive, so in this article, we want to talk about how to manage them.
“Jealousy is usually nothing more than a restless tyranny applied to the affairs of love”
-Marcel Proust-
What is jealousy?
Jealousy is a product of our social and biological nature. It is an emotional response to the possibility of losing a bond. Such perception can be adjusted to reality or totally imagined.
On the other hand, it is common to talk about jealousy in relationships, but the truth is that this can appear in different types of bonds: between siblings, parents, children, friends, or co-workers.
What we know is that they generate great discomfort. As well as uncertainty, obsessive thoughts and insecurities.
Jealousy, although in principle it should motivate us to take care of a relationship, in many cases what they do is motivate behaviors that damage it.
Keys to putting jealousy aside
“If jealousy is a sign of love, it is like a fever in a sick man, that having it is a sign of having a life, but a sick and ill-disposed life.”
-Miguel De Cervantes-
1. Reflect on what is behind your reaction
Tips and Tricks to stop being a jealous person: We said that jealousy is part of our adaptive emotional world. They play in our favor when they make us wake up and start taking care of a relationship that we do not want to lose, but that we are leaving aside. The issue is different when jealousy is at the helm of our decisions ( allopathy ).
Jealousy, as an element of the emotional world that they are, does not define you. They are only a reaction to a perception that you can choose how to manage. They have a message, and also energy, which can be very positive, but also very negative. The difference is what you do with them.
In many cases, jealousy is a reflection of internal insecurities, of a fear of losing what the person thinks they have. Thus, we see how many people, when they gain confidence, also gain control over their emotional world, including jealousy.
2. Evaluate your beliefs and your past
Our learning history has a powerful influence on our actions, our emotions, and our thoughts. Do you think that your fear of the other leaving you has to do with how you learned to relate to others when you were little? It’s possible.
In fact, if this is the case, the challenge ahead of you is to learn to relate in a different way, to combine trust and honesty in a different way in the field of social relationships. In this case, what we recommend is that you seek the help of a professional.
3. Work on yourself and your self-esteem
We have heard it many times, perhaps because it is true: jealousy is above all the expression of internal insecurities. Why do you think they can leave you for someone else? Where does that belief come from? Why do you doubt if he loves you if he has told you several times looking you in the eye? He does share I love you images, Good morning images when he has been out.
Look for activities that generate pleasure, challenge yourself for a month, do more exercise, and start meditating. Do things that make you feel good about yourself. Value the present: everything that is around you….
Imagine the worst scenario: that the relationship ends, that maybe there is indeed someone else… Does all this still terrify you? These are things that can happen! You will see that the pain that you can feel is also pain that you can heal.
If we don’t have our life planned, we will have less control over the decisions that others make. But we can do something with it, as Jean-Paul Sartre said: “what is important is not what they have made of us, but what we do with what they have made of us”.
4. Process and dialogue
Trust and communication are fundamental in a couple. The first is built through actions, but also from the word.
Do you feel uncomfortable with a certain situation? Use emotional intelligence, open a space for dialogue and share how you feel. Many times, the other simply ignores him.
Also, when you feel that jealousy is very intense, you can use some of the most useful tools to control anxiety, such as relaxation. When you have a clearer mind to decide what to do, you will be able to make decisions.
Think that jealousy does not take care of anything, what they take care of are the words and the dialogue. Finally, we suggest that you seek specialized help if you feel that the situation, despite your desire for self-control, causes you suffering; either directly or by taking actions that you would not take coldly.
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